if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
