Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
