I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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