Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
