I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
