8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
