true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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