Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
