I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
