I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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