I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How does one acquire holy water?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
