Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
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I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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