wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
