smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
