Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
