Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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