you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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