TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
