4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
