She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
