I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
