i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
