i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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