I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
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I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
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I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
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Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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