did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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