He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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