yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
