Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
