Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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