You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
