So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
