I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
