i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
