I think my fart just growled at me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
