I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
