Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
