You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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