it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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