1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
