You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
