I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My breasts were aching with rage.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
