"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
