Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
