she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
