I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize