Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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