my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
