Banned from zoo.
Again?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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