Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
