I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
whose parrot is this?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
