sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
