Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
