there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
