I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
