i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize