dude i'm inner monologue high
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
