so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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