i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
