saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
