420 ftw
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
