I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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