i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
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I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
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Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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