I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
