My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
