24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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