he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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