you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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