Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
