I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
