So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize