Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dick very happy bro
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
